You've probably seen the now viral YouTube
video in which a woman walks through the streets of New York for 10 hours and
gets more than 100 offensive catcalls from men. As she strolls down the busy
sidewalks, guys of all ages yell, "What's up beautiful?" "Hey,
baby!" and some words I can't print here. One man wearing a white
undershirt and baseball cap coos, "If I give you my number would you talk
to me?" That's creepy!
I have a friend in New York who says this
type of sexual harassment is so common she refuses to walk to her office. Yet
our society looks the other way when women are treated like meat in a butcher's
window. Sometimes women's motives are questioned ("She wants the
attention!") or, if her body is of a particular shape, she is blamed for
men's offensive behavior.
I can't
control what men say on the streets, and I don't think legislation will stop
immature guys from acting like slobbering Neanderthals. But we can train
brothers in the church to model a different attitude. It's called respect. I
learned it from my mother, who had me saying, "Yes ma'am," to women
when I was 4 years old. (There are certain things about Southern culture that
will never be outdated.)
When I mentor young guys today, I remind them
that Jesus is very much concerned about the way they treat females. Here are
the six rules I live by:
1. Treat
women as members of your family. This was
the rule Paul gave Timothy in the first century when he outlined how ministers
should relate to women in the church. We are to treat "older women as
mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity" (1 Tim. 5:2).
You wouldn't rape your sister or flirt with her; nor would you make demeaning
sexual comments about your mother. That means you don't touch women inappropriately,
abuse them verbally or make suggestive comments.
2. Train
yourself to look at a woman's heart, not her figure. In our culture women often are objectified,
as if their entire identity were about their breasts or other body parts.
That's stupid. A woman has God-given dignity: She has intellect, a unique
personality, a sense of humor, talents, compassion and so many other special
qualities. Learn to focus on those aspects and stop defining women by physical
attributes.
3. Don't
blame a woman for your sexual weakness. I hear guys complaining that girls at church show too much
cleavage or wear their pants too tight. Yes, that is a problem we can discuss
at another time. But if a guy can't control his libido when Delilah bats her
eyelashes, how can he stand for holiness when Potiphar's wife gets aggressive?
Men, your responsibility is to show integrity and keep your pants zipped and
your hands to yourself no matter how much temptation is thrown at you.
4. Don't use
your words to stir up sexual passion. We joke about
silly Christian pick-up lines ("Last night I was reading the book of
Numbers and I realized I didn't have yours!"), but it's no laughing matter
if you are inappropriately using your words to stir up sexual desire in a
woman. We are called to encourage each other, but pulling a woman aside at
church and saying, "I've been noticing you for weeks, and I just feel so
manly when I'm around you," while stroking her shoulder, is out of bounds.
The same goes for using subtle innuendo in comments on social media.
5. Respect
sexual boundaries. Every guy
should read the story of Sarah in Genesis 12. Abraham lied about his wife's
identity to Pharaoh, so the leader of Egypt decided to make a move on Sarah.
Then God "struck Pharaoh and his house with great plagues" (12:17),
all because Pharaoh thought he could romance a woman whom God had especially
set apart as a "princess" (see Gen. 17:15). She was off-limits!
Consider yourself warned if you ever even think of crossing a boundary with one
of God's daughters. That means hands-off. It also means no sexting, flirting,
groping, seducing or date-raping.
6. Honor
your marriage vows. When I got
engaged to my wife, my mother gave me my grandfather's wedding band that he
wore when he married my grandmother in the 1920s. I keep this antique ring
prominently on my finger at all times. I want women to see it, and I talk about
my wife in conversations to remind everybody that I am "taken." (I
will also gladly show you her photo on my phone.) Any Christian man who flirts with
women while hiding his marital status is picking a fight with God—and is in
danger of a head-on collision with moral failure. In this age of brazen
catcalling, let's take the high road and drown out the chorus of cavemen. Let's
show the world that men can treat women with dignity. God Bless You!
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