The Mystery Of The ‘IT’ In Marriage

      One thing is sure, marriage is not an institution one rushes into without giving a careful thought to one’s motives and preparation. So many young people feel they can continue the way they had been living their lives before committing to the one person. They realize to their dismay that things are not working out the way they had heard or thought. When God created the institution of marriage (mind you, He created it), it was perfect; it was created for a purpose with a goal in the mind of God. The purpose of marriage is for man and his complete (wife) to be one flesh in order for them to multiply, be fruitful, fill the earth with godly seeds (replicas of themselves), have dominion over all created things and most importantly to subdue the ‘it’ that is hell bent on circumventing the purpose and goal of God for creation: “For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Lord’s glory, as the waters cover the sea” (Habakkuk 2:14). It is clear that if the ‘IT’ is not dealt with, it will corrupt the multiplication, fruitfulness and the dominion capabilities of the man and the woman. Unfortunately, so many disregard or are unable to recognize the ‘IT’ that is at work in their lives or marriages; thus, making a shipwreck of their lives and marriages. No wonder we hear so many declare marriage is not good and neither is it compulsory because of the many challenges it churns up. Those that declare this either have failed in their marriages or are unable to get married! Marriage is good, not just because God said so, there are so many testimonies to the fact! Friend, when a thing is used wrongly, for wrong purposes, it will always produce wrong results, does not mean that the thing is wrong. 

       One basic point that so many forget is that the ‘IT’ will always be in the garden but we have been given everything we need to keep it subdued: “For His divine power has given us everything required for life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness” (1Peter 2:3). At the same time: “Be sober! Be on the alert! Your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour” (1Peter 5:8). This same warning was given to Cain in Genesis 4:7 – “…But if you do not do right, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must master it”. This same ‘IT’ has laid waste many a marriages and has laid siege to many more. How then do we see ‘IT’ coming to master? 

       A very instructive event happened when Isaac was set to take a wife. The Bible tells us that Sarah, his mother died and was buried; the next event was to find a wife for Isaac. The Bible tells us that he was 40 years old before he got married and his father had to make a move to get him a wife. Do understand that Isaac was a much loved child and was birthed by a woman that was 90 years old. One thing was sure, his mother will not tolerate anything that will compete for her son’s affections. However, the Bible tells us that she died and was buried. Friend, you seek to marry, or you are married but you are torn between the affections you should have for your spouse and some other ‘things’. If the ‘thing’ or ‘things’ are not dead and buried out of your sight, not only will it make you marry wrong but you will be miserable in the marriage. If it is a person, it is not for the person to die physically, but your affection for that person to die and be buried out of your sight as it will poison your affection for your spouse. The reason why so many are still tied to the apron strings of a past crush, parents (living or dead), guardians, careers, siblings, friends, habits and the likes is the fact that they are yet to bury those affections from their sight. 

      The act of burying ‘IT’ is subduing its effects in your life and home. Until this is done, such is unable to find fulfillment in their marriages. The sad part of this mystery is that the ‘IT’ may masquerade as some other thing; but if the actual culprit is not subdued by actually burying it out of sight, there will always be a problem. The ‘IT’ could also be a hurt, a traumatic event in your past. It must be forgiven and buried so you can fulfill the purpose for which your marriage was established by God! A lot hold on to the comfort they derive from the ‘IT’, but understand this, that comfort you seek outside of your marriage is not of God and it will be your marriage undoing if not dealt with: “And Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah and took Rebekah to be his wife. Isaac loved her, and he was comforted after his mother’s death” (Genesis 24:67). God designed the marriage for man and the woman to seek comfort within them not outside the union. If you still seek comfort from anything or anyone outside of your spouse, be careful, don’t be deceived: “sin is crouching at your doorstep” and it will rob you of the joy, fulfillment, strength that God had put in your union. May the Lord give you the grace to bury every ‘IT’ from your sight in Jesus Christ name. God bless you.